The prom has become an American teenage institution. Tickets are purchased and the RSVP process is completed. Dresses are bought. Appointments are made at hair and nail salons. Tanning sessions are booked. Corsages and boutonnieres are purchased. Tuxedos are rented. Limos are rented. Restaurant reservations are made. Hotel and motel accommodations are booked. Cell phones and cameras are charged and ready for use. Care is taken to coordinate the aforementioned dresses, tuxedos, and flowers. A pumice stone and quality razor may be employed on the sacred day as well.
Why does this high school ritual so thoroughly captivate our culture? Why is planning and achieving the perfect prom experience seen by many teenagers as the capstone of their high school experience?
I'll be damned if I know. And yet, I was no different than them at that age. I too dreamed of having the perfect prom. Although just what the hell the perfect prom entails I haven't a clue. My junior and senior proms were each disappointing and anticlimactic in their own way.
* * * *
The theme for the Postville High School Prom of 1985 was "I Can't Fight This Feeling." Thank you REO Speedwagon. A banquet was held at St. Paul's Lutheran Church followed by a dance at Dreamland Ballroom. The night was reasonably enjoyable except for one minor detail. The love of my life came to the prom with someone else.
Anne (not her real name) and I had gone out on and off for a little over a year. She was from a different high school. I'd met her at a church retreat. Then she dumped me in January of '85. Her dumping me might have had something to do with the fact that I ignored her all day at one of my wrestling tournaments. "Hey, I'm here to win a wrestling title not talk to you woman!"
Soon she was dating one of my classmates. What the hell?
After wrestling season had ended, I started dating someone else as well. But, I was still in love with Anne.
When prom was nearing I talked to Anne one evening in person.
"Did he ask you to prom?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"Did you say yes?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied quietly.
Something was amiss in the universe. My world was turned upside down. The love of my life was going to my junior prom with another guy. She didn't even attend the same high school and she'd only been dating him a few months. And yet, she was going to prom with him. My prom.
Never fear. I still went to prom. I'd been looking forward to it for years. I wasn't going to give up now.
So, I asked Dianne to prom. I'll call her Dianne because she reminded me of Dianne Chambers from Cheers sometimes. She was a cute, intelligent blond. I kind of wondered what this freshman girl saw in some brute like me. I'm surprised she didn't find me amazingly boring. I guess my quiet nature was a challenge for her. She claimed she was a good detective and was going to figure me out.
I'd always imagined I'd wear a tailcoat (tails) because I thought it looked cool and I think I'd seen some upperclassmen wear them. But, I browsed through the formal wear selections in a catalogue at Don's Jewelry and Men's Wear and picked out a basic tuxedo with a white jacket, black trousers, black vest, and black bow tie.
I didn't look as good as James Bond or Humphrey Bogart. Technically I shouldn't have worn a white jacket seeing as I wasn't in the tropics or at a summer country club party. But, I suppose a high school prom isn't a strict black-tie event anyway. At least I wasn't wearing a powder blue tux and a ruffled shirt. I'm glad I skipped the tailcoat too. I wasn't attending a state dinner after all.
I drove to Dianne's house on that sacred Saturday in April. We took some pictures and then drove back to my house and took some more pictures.
A banquet was held before the dance. It was fun to see everyone dressed up in their finery. It was hard to see Anne walking in with my classmate. I was wishing she was my date. I admit I wasn't the best date that night.
Nonetheless, we had a nice meal. I believe there was a slide show with candid pictures of students. I believe there was some entertainment. I seem to recall Greg and Joni singing "Almost Paradise." Maybe it was two other people or maybe nobody sang. But, that's how I remember it.
We drove to Dreamland after the banquet for the dance. Dianne and I took part in the grand march. It was uncomfortable seeing Anne during the grand march.
She approached me at some point early in the dance.
She said my mom wanted to take a picture of us. I told her I would oblige them a little later. I was thinking Why the hell would I get my picture taken with this girl who dumped me and is here with another guy?
I know my mom meant well and it made sense I suppose. But, I never had a picture of Anne and I taken together and I guess my mom got tired of waiting and left. Of course years later I now wish I'd had the picture taken. But, at the time I couldn't be the selfless, considerate person and pose for a picture. Maybe I thought I was being considerate to my date as well at the time.
Anne and I stepped outside later in the evening at her request to talk. She told me she'd actually tried to back out of her prom date but one of my classmate's mothers had gotten wind of it and told Anne she was a terrible person for breaking a prom date. So, Anne acquiesced and kept the date but wasn't planning on seeing him after that night. We talked for quite a while. I guess our dates got concerned or annoyed because they came to retrieve us at some point.
Dianne and I went to the post-prom activities like raffle drawings for door prizes and a post-prom breakfast. Then I drove her home and that was the end of my first prom.
Anne and I got back together shortly after prom. I believe at some point she even said that she would never break up with me again. We'd be together forever. So, of course, she dumped me a couple weeks later. I guess forever means two weeks in teen speak. Oh, well. I guess that sort of thing is par for the course when you're a teenager.
Dianne never held a grudge about my failing to be a good prom date. I guess she knew I still loved Anne and she couldn't change that. Dianne was a compassionate, big-hearted person.
* * * *
In 1986 formal wear giant After Six capitalized on the hit TV show Miami Vice by introducing the Miami Vice line. The tuxedo jackets featured colors like Fiesta Blue, Flamingo, and Purple Haze. The jackets were paired with white trousers which made sense considering the show's subtropical locale. I remember being with my buddy Brad when he ordered his Miami Vice tux from The Corner Clothier.
I was familiar with the show but not an avid fan so I didn't particularly want a Miami Vice tuxedo. I happened to walk into B&B Clothing in Waukon one day and saw a tuxedo on display that called to me. It was a black tuxedo with a red bow tie and cummerbund. AND, it also featured a red scarf! So, it was my school colors (black and red) and it had that cool scarf. I, of course, ordered it immediately.
Hey, don't judge me. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm not sure if it's called an evening scarf or an opera scarf but I'd never seen anything like it before and I thought it looked mighty swanky.
I had a tuxedo. Now I just needed a date.
I thought about asking Rachel, a girl from Decorah I'd met the summer before my sophomore year of high school. We'd kind of lost touch but had recently seen each other again at a teen dance. I'd visited her a couple times since then. But, I had some reservations about asking her. What is she said "yes" but in turn asked me to attend her prom?
I'd met Lynn on a junior high 4-H trip to Des Moines to visit the Iowa State Capitol. I'd sat by her on the bus ride at times. When we returned home, she said perhaps we would meet on a 4-H trip to Washington D.C. one day. Well, that never happened but we did see each other at the county fair occasionally during our high school years. So, when I called her about prom it wasn't totally out of the blue. It's not like she'd forgotten who I was. She didn't exactly turn me down. She just said she wasn't sure her boyfriend would be okay with her attending prom with me even if only as a friend.
I wanted to ask Michelle but I knew she was bringing a guy from Iowa City.
What about Dianne again? No, I already hurt her once. She'd probably laugh in my face or cuss me out for daring to ask her to prom again.
Asking Anne was out of the question. I'm not saying I never saw her again after we broke up. I did see and talk to her occasionally. We even kissed a few times after breaking up. I think we may have even went through a period of "going out" where the idea was that we could see each other and see others as well. That never works out. People just end up jealous and hurt. I knew we were never going to actually be a couple again.
During the fall of my senior year I returned a picture that belonged to her. I returned it safe and sound. But, since I simply mailed her the picture without any accompanying letter or note I guess she took it as a slight and was not too pleased with me. That didn't stop her from showing up at my house around Christmas time with her boyfriend in tow. The nerve of that girl.
She did actually call me sometime before prom that year partly to explain why her boyfriend had been with her when she stopped by during the holiday season. She let me know that she was happy going out with this boy from her own high school but that she would always cherish the time we'd spent together.
Her sweet words touched me and made me feel special. But, that didn't change my current situation.
So, I eventually ran out of options. After all these machinations, the upshot was that I still had no date for prom.
My buddy Chris came to the rescue. I think he'd been following my situation and sympathizing. At some point we decided to go "stag."
Stag is defined as "a person who attends a social gathering unaccompanied by a partner."
Going stag sounded nice. It had a nice ring to it. It suggested that going to prom alone was a choice.
I think Chris could have taken a girl he'd been spending some time with that year. But, for some reason he decided that he and I and a couple of other guys would attend prom as a group. I guess I'll never know if he did this as a favor to me, an old friend, or if he had other reasons.
I seem to recall one of my classmates breaking up with his girlfriend shortly before prom and then asking a sophomore to go with him. I think she found out about his breakup and let him know she didn't want to be his rebound date and that she didn't want to be used to get over his ex. Well, he must have convinced her of his sincerity because they did end up attending prom together.
Another senior classmate asked a freshman girl to be his date although I think he was a bit concerned he might get teased about it.
I didn't care much for how I looked on the day of prom. I'd made the lamentable decision to have my hair permed a few weeks before. In my defense, I wasn't the only senior boy to try changing his look by adding some curl to his hair. The year before I'd gotten a rattail haircut after wrestling season. I assume I must have cut the rat tail off before my junior prom. But, there wasn't much I could do about my frizzy permed hair.
I also wasn't too happy with my red opera scarf. It didn't seem to lie comfortably on my tuxedo so my mom pinned it down. It didn't look cool like it had on the mannequin. I'm not sure why I didn't just leave it at home. I guess the point of getting that particular tuxedo had been the cool scarf so I wasn't going to back out on wearing it now. We snapped of few pictures of me anyway and then I was off.
After
driving to Postville and meeting up with the other guys, our motley
crew decided to drive to Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin. It wasn't
uncommon for people in the Postville area to cross over the
Mississippi into Wisconsin as a pleasant diversion.
As I
recall we stopped at McDonald's for a snack and later at Dairy Queen
for another snack. I think we may have walked around a big discount
store. We may have even looked at a display of prophylactics. I'm
not sure if that actually happened but I can imagine four male
teenagers scrutinizing the condom selection even if the chance of
anyone having sex that night was highly unlikely.
We
drove back and waited to get into the banquet. I think Kathryn said
she liked my scarf which made me feel a little better. I wasn't very
hungry for the meal after all of that snacking.
Everyone
was announced upon entering the banquet. Some of my classmates tried
to be funny.
One
couple was introduced as Master Jeffrey D. (blank) and Ms. (blank).
Andy O. simply had himself introduced as James Bond as I recall. I
guess I could have had myself introduced as lord, earl, or duke but I
wasn't that clever.
At
the dance, the traditional grand march was performed. Everyone found
a partner to promenade around the ballroom with except me. I swear
to God there wasn't one girl left unattached. Some people had their
dates of course but even those without dates coupled up. While
everyone was taking part in this opening ceremony, I was standing
there alone feeling totally humiliated. I was mortified. Everyone
must think I'm a huge loser. I suppose they didn't necessarily
notice me since they were all promenading around showing off their
finery. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I wanted to crawl
under a rock. I wanted to disappear. Pick the expression you like.
I'm still kind of embarrassed now all these years later.
I did
have a bit of good fortune at the dance though. Before long I
noticed Dianne at the dance. I think perhaps she had performed at
the banquet as part of a group and was therefore allowed to attend
the dance. I was happy to see her. She was kind and we danced and
talked.
Prom
may not have lived up to my fantasy. It wasn't the transcendent,
sublime experience I was hoping for. But, I got to take part in this
great American teenage ritual and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment