On Boys and Girls, Love and Lust

You say that I'm the boy

Who can make it all come true
Well, I'm tellin' ya that I don't know
If I know what to do

Young Love

My first boy-girl relationship occurred in third grade. Our connection was quite serious.

She would hand me love notes designed to ascertain the depth of my feelings for her.

“Do you like me?” the note would read. I had to circle yes or no. Or, sometimes there were boxes by the yes and no and I had to put an X in the appropriate box.

We bonded over our discussions of Saturday morning cartoons. 

Another young woman captured my fancy as well during those elementary years. She would chase after me during playground games of pom-pom-pullaway. I was fast but she was faster. I could never reach the safety zone on the other side of the playground.

She gave me a tiny clay pot once that she had made and painted.

A friend and I used to hide behind a row of bushes with her and her friend. A lot of kissing took place behind those bushes. 

She eventually moved to another town and began attending a new school. 

 

Serious Middle School Crush

In fifth grade a new girl entered my class but it wasn't until the following year that our relationship began to blossom. In language arts class our desks were in the same module composed of four desks. These work stations were temporary I believe. I sat across from her. She noticed a mistake I made one day on a paper and teased me about it. We laughed together and I felt like our relationship had changed somehow after this incident.

Eventually our seating arrangement was changed but my feelings for her remained strong. She must have figured out I had a crush on her because at some point she started winking at me a few times during every class period. I enjoyed having her flirt with me but wondered if she was just having some fun. One of her friends asked me if I liked Andrea and I said I did. Her friend assured me that Andrea liked me as well. I really wanted to believe it but I had my doubts. Even at that young age I wasn't totally naïve.

There was a young lady in that class who truly did “like” me. So one day in class the object of my affections said to the other young lady, “You can have him. I'm tired of him.” There was no more winking after that. I wasn't too upset because I'd never quite believed she really liked me. But, it still stung a bit to be brushed off so easily. 

I still thought she was cute in high school. But even though I was attracted to her I never gave her too much thought. But, I'd never forget her and all of that winking. There always felt like a genial but slightly odd connection between us. 

Junior High

A cute blond became my girlfriend for a while. She gave me a gold chain as a token of her affection. Eventually she dumped me and asked for the gold chain back. 

I had a crush on and a “relationship” with another new girl during junior high. I was excited that she liked me too. But, the relationship fizzled and I never bought her a Christmas present because I was afraid that whatever I bought her would be stupid or inadequate. Would she enjoy a gift set of assorted lip glosses?

During my eighth grade year, another new girl showed up. She was introduced to the student body during an assembly on the first day of school. The principal introduced Candy and said she was from Arizona. When the young lady stood up, the heavens parted and a light shined down upon her. The cute brunette was tanned from the Arizona sun and smiling brightly. I was smitten.

Her family had purchased a restaurant where students liked to hang out. 

I didn't play football so I had gym class with her every afternoon. We walked outside to play softball and I was trying to walk cool and wishing desperately that I could impress her somehow.

At some point I had a mutual friend ask her if she would “go” with me. She said no. She said she didn't know me well enough. But, after a few weeks she did agree to “go” with me. We were a couple. I was only able to meet her once for a “date” when I stayed overnight with a friend who lived in town. I remember walking to a youth hang-out on a cold winter's night. Soon we were walking hand in hand and I was in heaven. We held hands some more at the youth hang-out.

Her birthday was around Christmas.  So, I bought her two gifts.  I think I gave her a necklace or a bracelet and a bottle of Love's Baby Soft Perfume.

She and her family left town before the end of the school year because of a family member's health. I never saw her again but well into adulthood I still had a picture of her smiling like she had on that first day I'd laid eyes on her.

I put my arm around a girl on a 4-H bus trip to Des Moines, the state capital. As we parted at the end of the day she said that perhaps we'd meet again one day on a 4-H trip to Washington, D.C.  

I never ended up going to Washington, D.C. I'm not sure if she did or not. I continued to see her at the county fair in the following years. One afternoon during the fair we even left the fairgrounds and spent some time together in town.

I called her during my senior year and asked her to if she'd go to prom with me. She didn't say "no" but said she wasn't sure how her boyfriend would feel about that. After high school I never saw her again.

High School

I had the same girlfriend during most of my freshman year. How did we meet? I think we locked eyes at a football game and she held my gaze just long enough to make me wonder if she liked me.

We would meet up at some football games. Sometimes my mom would drop me off in town and I would meet her at the restaurant on the main drag where students liked to hang out. 

I think we kissed for the first time in a park on a cold winter's night. A group of our friends had the brilliant idea to walk several blocks to the city park in the middle of winter.

 

Sometimes we would kiss in a space under a staircase between two buildings downtown. The kids had dubbed this place the MOP (Make Out Place).

We met up once at a Valentine's Day party or perhaps it was a birthday party held at a mutual friend's house. A lot of kissing took place in a dark bedroom as I recall. 

I was a rather quiet boy in high school. She wasn't as quiet as I was and yet conversations were a challenge especially over the telephone. Some of those phone calls were painful, filled with long pauses of uncomfortable silence. 

As I recall I broke up with her over the summer because I thought perhaps I wanted to date other girls. This was not one of the brightest decisions I've made in my life. She really was a very nice girl and today she's as beautiful as ever. 

I met another young woman at an overnight church youth retreat.  She had red hair so let's call her Ginger. I was smitten as soon as she initiated some conversation with me and some friends. I chased her around during some game the chaperones had us play. I made sure to get on the same wagon as her when we went on a hayride. At the campfire she said I should come visit her in her nearby town sometime. On the hayride back I held her hand under a blanket we shared.

Later that evening she and I and some others explored the church. Is it a sin to make out in a church?

I was sixteen when I met Ginger and she ended up being my first true love. We had some sort of connection for the rest of my high school years. She broke up with me a few times only to want me back soon thereafter.

 

We used to make out in my car (or my parents' car) some nights.  When people used to joke about "steaming up the windows" I thought it was just a saying.  But, we really did steam up the windows.  One night we were parked at the fairgrounds and a cop showed up.  Ginger was afraid the cop would know who she was so she hid behind me.  I rolled down my window and the cop asked me for my identification.  Then Ginger finally popped her head up and the cop figured out what was going on.  He didn't care about seeing my I.D. then.  He didn't scold us or laugh.  He just told us nicely to leave the premises.  I think he was relieved to find it was just two teenagers messing around and not some stranger alone in the back seat of a car with steamed up windows.

 

On another evening Ginger was driving so I decided to start putting my mouth on her in some inappropriate places.  She finally pulled off the road into a driveway.  There are a lot of driveways in Iowa that lead into crop fields.  She said something like, "Oh my god!  I've never been so turned on!"  So, you see, woman can really become hot and bothered as the saying goes.  Guess what happened next?  Yep.  A cop showed up.  A highway patrolman wondered why we were sitting there in that driveway.  He wondered if we were okay or if there was some sort of trouble.  "We just stopped to talk," Ginger informed him.  He gave us a skeptical look.  "Honest, officer, we're fine.  We were just talking," Ginger reiterated.  The officer was incredulous but simply told us to move on.

Here's a funny anecdote. One evening Ginger and I were looking through a mail order catalog. We began looking through the women's clothing section and happened upon some pages featuring lingerie. We discussed which lingerie sets looked the most appealing and I pointed out an outfit featuring a lacy bra, panties, garter belt and stockings. She said, “No, that has too many...attachments.”

As our relationship blossomed we became closer and closer. She wore my class ring for a while. We began to talk about being intimate. One night it almost happened. She asked me if I had stopped at the gas station. This was a code of sorts. Sometimes we still called convenience stores gas stations back then. And, at this particular station there was a condom machine in the restroom that we both knew of and had joked about before. The condom machine also sold something called Joy Jelly. I had stopped there with a group of guys on a couple of occasions. You had to ask for a key to use the restroom. So, if you asked for four quarters and a key to the restroom the clerk tried to keep a straight face because she knew why you wanted the quarters. I used to stop at that gas station occasionally back then simply to check my hair one last time before seeing Ginger.  God how I fussed over my hair back then.

 

I was never one of those guys who kept a condom in his wallet so I told Ginger I didn't have protection with me. So, we did not take our relationship to the next level that night. I look back and laugh at myself sometimes. Why didn't I just drive to the gas station that night. It was only a few blocks away. “I'll be back in ten minutes,” I could have said. But, I guess it wasn't meant to happen that night.

Do you want hear a painful story? This very girl attended my junior prom with one of my classmates. 

I was close to a pretty blond for a while too.  It might have worked out well but I was involved with Ginger at the time.  This blond used to invite me over to watch cable TV which was kind of a big deal at the time. 

During my senior year, I attended the homecoming dance with the senior girl voted Best Partier. Why she agreed to go with me I'm not sure. I didn't really know her that well. I thought she was cute. One day she walked through the school lobby and waved at me and smiled. She had acknowledged my existence which I thought was odd. 

Homecoming was fun although it was the only time we went out. 

I knew a girl named Rachel from another school. I would run into her periodically during high school. I met her one night at her friend's house during my senior year. I had to return a jacket I'd borrowed from her. She, her friends, and I drank a little bit of wine and talked. When it was time for me to head home she walked me to my car.

“Can I give you a hug?” she asked.

We hugged and when we loosened our embrace I leaned in slowly and kissed her and she kissed me back.

I thought about asking her to my senior prom but I was afraid she would then ask me to attend her prom which I had no interest in doing. Perhaps I made the wrong decision.

I never saw her after graduating.

Letters and Pictures

Pens are dead. Paper is dead. Handwriting is a relic.

When I was in high school and college there was no email. There was no social media. There wasn't an internet yet as we know it today. People sent actual physical letters to one another. Sometimes it was just a piece of notebook paper placed into a plain white envelope. Sometimes one might use a notepad with different colors of paper for a little pizzazz. Some people even had stationery sets.

There were no phones to snap digital pictures with. If a girl wanted you to have a picture of her she gave you a physical picture you could hold in your hand or put in a box or in a photo album.

One of my high school girlfriends sent me a letter once that read something like the following:

Dear Tharin,

I love you so much. I can't wait to see you at my party.

Tell me you love me and you decide how far we go (bases).

Tell me you can't live without me and I decide how far we go (bases).

See you soon!

Love,

Your Sweetheart

I thought it was funny how she put the word bases in parentheses to make sure I understood what she was talking about.  I remember some guys fretting about how their girlfriends wouldn't let them get to second base.

Other girls sent me letters during my high school and college years as well sometimes writing of love and wanting to see me and sometimes simply telling me what they had been up to lately.  

I met a girl named Mindy at the National FFA Convention. She happened to be from a school near mine but we'd never met before. She gave me a school picture of her she happened to have with her. We exchanged some letters after returning home from the convention and I saw her at an FFA contest. 

I exchanged letters and pictures with a girl named Jill from another nearby school as well. We'd met through 4-H. And, I was a wrestler and she was a wrestling cheerleader so we'd see each other at tournaments sometimes. I'd see her at teen dances sometimes and one night she and some friends and a friend and I all ended up at the drive-in movie theater and piled into one car together. 

I should have asked her out but I guess I was a timid guy sometimes in high school. She was from another school and lived quite a few miles from me although it probably wasn't as great a distance as I imagined. I guess I was overly concerned about the logistics of dating her assuming of course she would have agreed to go out with me.

On the last day of school my freshman year of college, I checked my mailbox one last time and found I had a letter. The letter was from Angie who I'd gotten to know during the school year. I'd had a crush on her all year and thought she was beautiful. Did I ever ask her out? Of course not! But, I guess I made an impression on her because she left me that letter on the last day. I think she just wrote that she'd enjoyed getting to know me and that she hoped I'd have a nice summer. 

I told my roommate and another guy about getting the letter. I think they were impressed and perhaps a bit jealous.

I'm not against technology. I appreciate a nice email or message. Digital pictures are great. I just get nostalgic sometimes for the old days.

Boys Will Be Boys

I was in car with a group of guys headed to the nearby town of Waukon. Andrew wanted to go to some girl's house and see if she happened to be home. Brad was along and was keeping the group laughing as usual. We got to the house and all piled out of the car. Andrew knocked on the door and it was opened by a beautiful woman. The woman was the girl's mother. She informed us that her daughter wasn't home. I think she asked Andrew how he'd been. She then asked us what we were going to do that night. She seemed curious about our plans for the evening and she seemed like a very sweet woman. Did I mention she was beautiful?  So after a few more words we said goodbye and walked to the car. 
 

We got in the car and sat there in silence for a brief moment contemplating the interaction we'd just had. Then Brad broke the silence and expressed what I believe we were all thinking. “Forget the daughter. I'll take the mom!”

Brad was such a funny guy. One night he was talking to Tammy at a party. At some point she asked him a question or said something and sort of tilted her head and looked at him imploringly. I thought to myself, She looks like she wants to be kissed. They weren't a couple and I knew that's not the message she was trying to impart. Nonetheless, Brad reached his hands out as though he was going to caress her face and leaned in slowly as though he was going to kiss her. He then pulled away and began laughing and she laughed and looked at him as if to say, “What a joker!”

One fateful day my younger sister and her best friend were out walking and found a girlie magazine discarded in a ditch. They returned from their walk and informed me of their discovery. I, of course, had to investigate! Well, this was not some innocent pornographic periodical like Playboy with a tasteful centerfold. Oh, no! This was a bit more hardcore and explicit in nature showing couples engaging in some rather risque behavior. Some may have called it smutty.

I left it in the ditch although I returned to the ditch to look at it a few more times. I'm not sure why I didn't simply bring it back to the house and hide it in my room. I guess it seemed a little indecent to be looking at a naughty magazine that had been laying in a ditch. I think I decided this magazine was too dirty (in every sense of the word) to be brought into our home.  

I think I stopped visiting the magazine or perhaps one day it simply wasn't there any longer.

I was on an overnight trip with the wrestling team during my college days and was in a motel room with three other wrestlers. After climbing into bed for the night they decided to tell “war” stories. I don't remember any of their stories so the tales of their sexual exploits must not have been anything too riveting. Nonetheless, I felt a little uncomfortable when they asked for my contribution. I didn't have any tales of sexual escapades to share. After all, I was a guy who could get emotional just holding a girl's hand. 

Nothing too exciting had ever happened in my sex life. No shower sex. No screwing on a washing machine during the spin cycle. No threesomes. No sex in a closet at work. 

However, I did have a conversation with a girl in a closet once. I was at a party at Mark's apartment and some girl and I decided to have a private conversation in a closet just off the kitchen area. Perhaps Mark and Curtis stored food in there. Maybe one might call it a pantry. At any rate, the closet had a light and had room for two people to stand comfortably and chat. 

She was a cute Asian girl although back then we used the term oriental. Or, a lot of guys referred to any Asian woman as Chinese whether she was or not. She told me she had been born in Seoul, South Korea and then adopted by an American couple.

She commented on a gold cross necklace I was wearing and said, “That tells me something about you and your morality. You must be a good person.”

Here we were at a party drinking and my mind probably had naughty thoughts brewing while we were alone in that closet and yet she mentions the cross I just happen to be wearing and its suggestion that I was a good and moral young man. That was kind of amusing.

When we walked out of the closet we got a few bemused looks from the others at the party.

“Tharin, what the hell were you doing in that closet?”

The Vernacular of Love

Love

Lust
Passion
Aroused
Amorous
Frisky
Turned on
Hot and bothered
Horny
Babe
Fox
Hottie
Stud
Womanizer
Ladies man
Player
Casanova
Don Juan
Romeo
Attractive
Pretty
Cute
Handsome
Sexy
Flirting
Hitting on
Making a move on
Come here often?
What's your sign?
Kissing
Touching
Heavy petting

Hooking up

Sex
Screwing
Making love
Couple
Going steady
Soul mate
Engaged
Married

Lines

We'll always have Paris.

You had me at hello.

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? 

That she was beautiful. And brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. And the Beatles. And me.

Now, you listen to me! I don't want any plastics, and I don't want any ground floors, and I don't want to get married - ever - to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day.

Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

I am awestruck and humbled by your radiance.

Just a lovely, average girl. That's all I want.

Hey, Stella!

Yo, Adrian!

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

College

After completing freshman orientation, I was standing with my roommate at a welcome back dance being held outside one evening on the campus mall. A girl dancing nearby caught my attention and asked me if I wanted to dance. It turned out that MJ lived in the same dorm as I did on the same floor as my older sister. 

MJ seemed to take an instant liking to me. I saw her at a local bar a few days later and she asked me to dance. We danced to “Naughty Naughty” by John Parr. I walked her up to her room one night instead of just parting ways with her in the lobby which she thought was sweet. 

She would stop by my room sometimes and talk to me and my roommate.

One night close to Halloween she was in our room when my roommate and some other guys from the floor were heading out to engage in mischievous behavior. I got up to leave with them and they said, “No, you stay here with MJ.” They winked and wagged their eyebrows insinuating that I would be engaging in my own mischievous behavior with MJ. I protested saying that I wanted to go with them. But, my protestation fell on deaf ears. So, there I was with MJ. 

At some point the lights were turned off and some clothing came off. A somewhat intimate encounter ensued. The lights were turned back on. The hell-raisers returned and MJ went to her room. My roommate said, “I know something happened between you two because she was wearing a brooch before we left but it was gone when we came back and I think she had few buttons on her shirt undone that were fastened before.” I told him that the fact that he knew her jewelry item was called a brooch concerned me.

Soon MJ wanted to talk. “Are we going to be a couple?” she asked.

I told her I wasn't interested in a relationship because I was stressed out and concerned about doing well in college. I also asked her why she was interested in quiet guy like me. She said she liked my personality and demeanor just fine. She was not pleased when she found out we weren't going to be a couple. Nonetheless, she was very mature about the matter and accepted the state of our situation.

What I told her was true but I also didn't feel “fireworks” with MJ and didn't think I ever would. We continued to be friends and if we'd been a couple I think she would have loved me and been devoted to me.

Why is that some of the people who offer us the most love and devotion are the ones we don't feel romantically attracted to? Yes, I let a beautiful and kind woman walk out of my life. Eventually we'd see less and less of one another. I even ran into her at a mall once while with my then girlfriend and MJ smiled and said hello to us and seemed genuinely happy for me.

I danced with a Spanish girl a few times. The beautiful Cristina was one of the few foreign students who chose to go to our little liberal arts college.

I kissed a British girl who was visiting my friend Laura.

Flo was a sexy Asian woman I knew through a mutual friend. I saw her at a club one evening when I was with a couple of guys. At some point she started walking toward our table and I thought, Oh my God! Is she coming over here to ask me to dance?

When she got to our table she smiled at me and then nodded toward my friend Tom and said, “I was wondering if your friend would dance with me.”

F*ck you Tom! You just had to show off your moves while dancing to MC Hammer.

Okay, to be fair, she did dance with me that evening as well. 

My friend Jeff used to talk about “getting some trim” as opposed to “picking up girls.”

One evening I was with the guys at the club and Mark asked, “Okay, what's your favorite body part on a woman?” Mark and some others chose the booty (i.e. butt) while others chose boobs. One guy chose legs which I thought was unique.

What did I choose? I chose the face. Lame answer, huh? This response brought about a somewhat bemused look on Mark's face although he simply said, “Okay, so you like a pretty face.” I noticed a woman's body just like any other guy. I just figured if I didn't find her face appealing I didn't care how great her body was. Sure, I've heard the jokes about putting a bag over her head and how everyone looks the same in the dark but I wasn't that kind of guy. I did know guys like that in high school though. On one occasion some of us were giving a friend a hard time about his girlfriend being kind of plain perhaps even downright unattractive. He simply dismissed our taunts by saying, “She's got huge tits.”

Mark went through a period where he was hot for this nice female athlete named Maggie. We were getting ready to leave the bar one night and Mark decided to buy her one the bar's famous burritos. We walked to her dorm room and her door was open. She was sitting at her desk studying when Mark and I walked in. Mark said, “I got you this.” He then plopped the foil-wrapped burrito down on her desk and we proceeded to walk out without another word. She, of course, chased after us and caught us before we made it to the end of the hall. She wanted to thank Mark I suppose. As far as I know, Mark holds the distinction of being the only friend I've had who tried to woo a woman with a burrito.

One evening after being at the club, the guys and I decided to walk through one of the dorms on the UNI campus. Mark and I took the elevator to some random floor (or perhaps it was an all female floor) and started walking down the hall. We found the door open to a room with some girls present so we simply walked in and introduced ourselves. They didn't seem that surprised to have some strangers walk in. They'd probably been partying as well. 

One of the girls had four watches on one of her wrists. I gently grabbed her hand and extended her arm and said, “Oh my God! Look at all of these watches! Now that's a fashion statement.”

Mark was talking to another girl at the time.

There was a pause in the conversation at some point and the girls sort of huddled together to speak in hushed tones. Then the watch girl said, “You're cute, kid. Come see me sometime.”

I could have sworn she was talking to Mark. I was a bit disappointed since I was the one who had made such a big deal about her watches. Mark decided it was time to go so we said our goodbyes and walked out. When we got into the hall Mark said, “Did you hear what that girl said to you?”

“I thought she was talking to you!” I said.

“No, man. She was talking to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

So, I walked back to the room and knocked on the door. The watch girl opened the door.

“When you said 'You're cute kid' were you talking to me or my friend?” I asked. She smiled and closed the door in my face.

I was a bit confused and knocked on the door again which I later found out Mark thought was really amusing. She opened the door again and this time handed me a piece of paper with her name and number on it. “We have a lot of parties here so give me a call sometime,” she said.

I rejoined Mark and he said, “See, I told you.”

I went out with a rich girl named Victoria for a while. Her father was a doctor and her mother owned a boutique. Victoria had attended a private prep school in a large Midwestern city.  I think she came to Iowa mainly to put some distance between her and her parents. She hated being labeled as rich even though she obviously was.  She liked Anais Anais perfume although she was willing to wear Liz Claiborne perfume as well.  She had some expensive Laura Ashley dresses.  She wore skirts every day when I first met her because she was used to wearing a uniform at prep school.  She finally started wearing some Guess jeans occasionally.  Her family belonged to a country club where they dined often.  She informed me that her family vacationed twice a year.  One vacation was educational and one was for fun.  They had a condo on Sanibel Island.

 

But they weren't rich!

 

We'd met at a party and she was taken with me. I guess she was happy to find a cute and kind guy. She called me "compassionate" a few times which was nice.  She told me that she'd shared things with me she'd never shared with anyone before.  It feels pretty amazing to have someone put that kind of trust in you.

She was kind of bold and adventurous.  She was the first woman I ever went ALL THE WAY with.  She was the most uninhibited female I'd ever been with up to that point in my life.  I'm not talking about chains and whips or anything of that nature.  But, she showed me some things.

Her parents made her break up with me when we returned from Christmas break. I was of low status. We were not of equal rank. You would have thought her father was a duke or baron the way her parents carried on.

Victoria said we could still go out but she had to see other people. We could no longer be an exclusive couple. At first I told her to forget it because that was high school shit. Later I relented. I should have stayed firm. No one wants to see the one they love dating other people. No one wants to go from being in an intimate relationship to simply being friends who occasionally go out. It just doesn't work. Yes, I know some people do break up and remain friends. I don't get that.  

It's always easy to say “let's be friends” when you're the one doing the dumping.

When other girls showed interest in me, Victoria lost her resolve and decided to defy her parents. We got back together for a while. Then she had to leave school before the end of the year because of certain circumstances I won't go into. 

We stayed in touch over the phone and through letters. She was planning to visit but never did. Her parents, of course, would never allow that. I knew I wouldn't see her over the summer or possibly ever again.. So, I ended things. 

I really didn't think I'd see her again. I never expected her to return to Iowa. But, when students were moving in the following fall I ran into her father. He was civil even friendly and we talked briefly. I saw Victoria later in the day when I was visiting a female friend living on the same floor. 

Guess who knocked on my door later that night?

We never got back together although she had a habit of showing up at my door often after leaving the local bar. We had an odd relationship for a while. We'd get together to talk or she'd spend the night with me but it was always on her terms. She still wanted me but I think she felt like I'd abandoned her the previous year and wouldn't let herself get too close to me. But, she couldn't quite let me go either. Eventually I graduated and never saw her again.

Any time I see a movie that involves people from “different sides of the tracks” like Pretty and Pink I think of her.

I had connections with many other girls in college as well. I even came close to having a one night stand with a girl I met at a party but I'd had too much to drink.

Shakespeare wrote something along these lines.

Lust it turns on but also turns off. What I mean is, drinking stimulates desire but hinders performance. Therefore, too much drink is like a con artist when it comes to your sex drive. It sets you up for a fall. It gets you up but it keeps you from getting off. It persuades you and discourages you. It gives you an erection but doesn’t let you keep it, if you see what I’m saying. It makes you dream about erotic experiences, but then it leaves you asleep and needing to pee.

Adulthood

When I entered the real world after college things didn't go so well.  Those first few post- college years had a lot of ups and downs and none of them were between the sheets with a woman if you know what I mean.

I only recall going on one date and it didn't go too well.  It wasn't terrible but it was obvious there were no "sparks" between us.

I was depressed and then I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.  I lost a lot of weight.  I lost my libido.  I didn't have much interest in females or in life in general. 

I was hospitalized a couple of times.  During my second hospitalization I met a woman from Kansas who actually made me feel something.  She had her birthday while we were in the hospital and I gave her a bracelet.

She eventually went back to Kansas.

I ended up being attracted to a few other woman I met while in treatment.

I ended up starting a new life in a new city.

Then I met Kari.

Did I merely meet her by chance? Or, was it fate? Or, was a higher power involved?  What about serendipity?

I met her while we were both volunteering at the hospital. We both were trying to recover from eating disorders. 

She suggested having coffee together.  I think she talked for an hour while telling me her story.  We seemed to have an instant bond.  Does that sound like a cliché?

It wasn't long before I told her I had feelings that went beyond friendship.  She was wise and suggested taking things slowly.

The first time we went to a movie she asked me if I wanted to share a large popcorn. I looked at her in horror and she laughed. She was, of course, joking. 

We went to a lot of movies.  We went to Panera a lot but we'd only eat turkey sandwiches.  Sometimes we'd eat fat-free frozen yogurt and walk around the mall or sit on a bench and talk.

We played Skee-Ball once and I used our prize tickets to get her a ring.  She happily wore the cheap ring until it fell apart.

We grew close over time.  We talked of marriage sometimes. 

Then things happened as they often do in life.

I blew it as I often do.  Some of what happened was beyond my control.

Maybe I'll see her again one day.  If not, I wish her the best.

I fell in love with another woman with an eating disorder later on.  She had a cute dimple on her right cheek.  She was dubious when I told her I loved her.  We played cards a lot and had good conversations. She gave me a novel as a present which was sweet. I don't think a girl had ever given me a book before. We shared some intimacy on a blanket by a gazebo one warm summer night. Then she had to return to her home and get on with her life. I asked her if we could be together if I came with her. She said yes but she that she knew it wasn't going to happen. She had to follow her path and I had to follow mine.

She is still beautiful and stayed healthy enough to have a baby. She seems to really enjoy being a mommy. Sometimes I wonder why she was attracted to me.

Of course on the many days when I'm feeling down and old and only a shadow of that confident and handsome man I once was, I find it hard to believe any woman has ever wanted me.

Mon Amour

What is a Soul Mate? 

If you have found a smile

that is the sweetest one you've known,
If you have heard, within a voice,
the echoes of your own,
If you have felt a touch
that stirs the longings of your heart,
And still can feel that closeness
in the moments you're apart,
If you have filled with wonder
at the way two lives can blend
To weave a perfect pattern
that is seamless, end to end,
If you believe some things in life
are simply meant to be,
Then you have found your soul mate,
your heart's own destiny.

- Emily Matthews

Awakening

That morning whisper

A gentle kiss
A suspended moment
Of perfect bliss

That precious feeling

As eyes first meet
Bodies entwined
In sleepy heat

Fingers touching

Breath as one
Hearts in rhythm
We greet the sun

Content, in truth

Just to be
Simply enjoying
You and me

- Jamie Vogel

Present Day 

Even though I have no significant other in my life right now, I still find myself having crushes on various woman even some I've met online but never in person. I develop crushes on coworkers and woman I've met in treatment. When my cute coworker holds her hand up for a spontaneous high-five and our fingers are intertwined for a brief moment afterward and she smiles at me it makes me happy. Or, when she leaves me a note and I feel special. The woman who cuts my hair and hums along to the songs on the radio is sweet. Some women I know only online seem intelligent and fascinating and funny. They seem to have a genuine interest in my life and my well being. Can I really know someone just from some pictures and from seeing the way they communicate online? I think I can sometimes. Maybe I'll meet them one day.

Au Revoir, Mon Amour

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

A Short Valentine's Day Essay

Heart shaped boxes of chocolate and red roses are two articles I associate most with Valentine's Day. Those conversation hearts (BE MINE) are a cornerstone of the holiday as well.

Of course the Valentine cards are perhaps the most important item. Do you remember getting a card from each of your classmates? Sometimes the card included a piece of chewing gum. But, if a piece of gum wasn't included it was kind of disappointing. “No gum? Oh, come on! Where's the love?” Perhaps students aren't allowed to exchange Valentine cards and candy now. Celebrating holidays in school seems to have become more complicated.

In third grade I gave my “girlfriend” TWO Valentine cards because I decided ONE just wasn't enough to express my deep feelings for her. I think my older sister suggested that one of the cards should be a Disney card featuring Lady and the Tramp. What a couple!

You remember the spaghetti scene from the movie, right? The accidental kiss. Then Tramp uses his nose to roll the last meatball over to her. He wanted her to have the last meatball! How romantic!

When I was older and in high school, I could buy carnations from some club or organization at school. They sold red, pink, and white carnations. I suppose red symbolized love. I think I bought and received carnations.

When I was a freshman I bought my girlfriend a pair of chocolate lips wrapped in red foil. Seems kind of embarrassing in hindsight. On the other hand, what could express my affection better than chocolate lips?  

 

 

I gave another girlfriend in high school a Care Bear one year. It had a red heart on its tummy. My mother is a great seamstress so she made it. My girlfriend named it Tara so its name would begin with a T like Tharin.

Another year I bought her one single red rose which I unceremoniously pulled from behind my seat at the end of our date. Voila! She said she was going to preserve it and save it FOREVER. That didn't happen. It just wilted eventually. Like our relationship!

During my college days, my girlfriend and I had dinner in the cafeteria one Valentine's Day. They were serving prime rib and lobster tail. Lobster tail? Is that possible? Maybe it was some kind of imitation lobster product called Loobster^TM.

She was angry with me that day. We hadn't been getting along very well so I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day. She complained that I hadn't even gotten her one single flower. I pointed out that she hadn't gotten me anything either but she was having none of it. 

“It's the boyfriend's job to plan a wonderful Valentine's Day for his girlfriend,” she said.

So, there you go. You might as well not try arguing with a woman about romance.

During my freshman year of college, a female sent me some roses and signed it From Your Secret Admirer. Don't you hate that! How can I ask you out if I don't know who you are?

During my adulthood, I had an eating disorder for several years so I wasn't much interested in candy or romance. But, there have been periods where I've been healthier. During one of those healthier periods I met a woman who I developed a close relationship with.

When Valentine's Day came around I made her four small origami creations and put each one in its own little envelope. She opened them all and with each one looked more and more surprised. She said she'd been given flowers several times before but nothing like this. I guess I'll never top that.

She made a gift for me too. She printed a haiku she'd written on a piece of paper with several hearts bordering it.

The haiku read:

You: You mean so much

My trust you value as such

Sweet too, is your touch

I doubt I'll ever inspire another woman to write poetry ever again in my lifetime.

The Valentine's Day I remember the most vividly was when I went to my girlfriend's apartment and she was dressed in some sexy red lingerie and holding a riding crop in her hand and told me to meet her in the bedroom. Ha ha. Oh, calm down people! I'm totally joking! Gawd!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Just Press Play

Rewind

I find myself wanting to press the REWIND button a lot because my present life seems disappointing. On days when I'm really feeling down, my adult life seems like a dismal failure. I have a job but not a career. I'm not exactly the picture of health.  I've even been in danger of dying a couple of times if doctors are to be believed.  I have no wife or kids. I don't have a house with a big green lawn enclosed by a white picket fence. Sometimes the present is too much to bear so I press the REWIND button so I can relive my glory days.

In my mind I can travel back to a happy childhood. I see a younger version of me playing with toys and watching cartoons. I see me pretending to be an astronaut and a cowboy. I see myself heading off to elementary school. I see myself going to church and Sunday school. I see myself staying overnight at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

That little boy was innocent. That little boy was fortunate to have a nice life with his loving family in a safe and loving community. 

After I became a teenager and entered high school, I lost some of my naivety. I found out life could be demanding, nerve-racking, and painful.

Classes can be demanding with their tests and term papers. When you add sports, clubs, and other obligations to the mix you find yourself in a nerve-racking situation. Getting dumped by your girlfriend is painful. 

College was like high school except now I had to meet new people and make new friends. I had to live away from my parents for the first time and learn to deal with roommates. How did I survive my freshman year? 

Nonetheless, those years before I became a full-fledged adult were happy and carefree for the most part. 

I had a loving family.

I had great friends.

I had girlfriends.

I was a champion wrestler.

I even got good grades … sometimes.

So, I hit REWIND a lot. I go back to an innocent time when I was a champion wrestler. I go back to a time when I was healthy and could eat whatever I wanted. I go back to a time when a fair number of girls would look at me and say, “He's so cute.” 

I was naive but I was usually happy. Ignorance is bliss.

t's a very tempting thing to try and relive your glory days when you get a little older and you worry that people have forgotten all about you.

- David Gilmour

Pause

Sometimes when I press REWIND and get caught up in my reverie, I even press PAUSE so I can dwell upon a particular moment and examine it more closely.

Look! Is that really me winning the conference championship? It's hard to remember what it was like to be that strong and confident. Look at me! I'm dominating my competition. No one could beat me that day. 

Look and listen! Did you hear it? That pretty girl just smiled at the high school version of me and said, “I love you.” Look! That pretty girl I met in college a few years later just said the same thing to the college version of me. 

Did those things really happen?  I know they did.  But, it was so long ago.  What happened to that guy?  What happened to the champion who could win the love of a woman?

Sometimes I want to step into the frame. I wish I could step into that situation knowing what I know now and do it better. Sometimes I don't want to change things. I simply want to step into that situation to experience it again with all the wonderful feelings that came with it.

 

I wanna go back

And do it all over again

But I can't go back I know

I wanna go back

Cause I'm feeling so much older

But I can't go back I know

 

- Eddie Money

 

Fast Forward

God knows there have been events and situations I've wished I could FAST FORWARD through. I want to press FAST FORWARD and get to a better place again leaving the challenging situation simply a distant memory.

I don't want to deal with this stress! Press FAST FORWARD.

I don't want to spend three months in treatment again! Press FAST FORWARD.

Getting dumped hurts. It's been said that time heals all wounds.

But, I want to feel better right now! Press FAST FORWARD.

Sometimes I wish I could hurtle ahead several years because I've had enough.

Life is too much. I want to be retired or in heaven with God. Press FAST FORWARD.

Stop

When life starts to seem unbearable, I contemplate hitting the STOP button. I don't want to go on any longer. I know such an attitude might sadden or even anger some people. How could anyone think of taking their own life especially when they seemingly have so much to live for? What right do I have to say life is too hard? I know my struggles and challenges have been nothing compared to some others.

At other times I think about the end of life and it scares me. What comes after this? Is there anything after this life? 

Some people admonish us to live each day to the fullest. They counsel us to tell our loved ones every day how much they mean to us because life is short. 

But, sometimes life doesn't seem short. On bad days life can seem way too long and I look forward to the end and the peace that hopefully comes with it.

When I'm having a good day, I am glad that I've never pressed the STOP button. I'll try to leave that up to God.

Play

To say that my adulthood has been an abject failure with no success or happiness would be a bit melodramatic I suppose.

Even well into my adulthood, I've had some good things happen. 

I've had a few women express their love for me. When someone loves YOU and wants to be with YOU it's one of the best experiences in the world.

I have coworkers who enjoy working with me. I have days at work when I experience gratification and happiness simply from a job well done.

I'm an intelligent person. I can talk about a myriad of subjects at length. I don't know if that adds any value to this world but it makes me happy. 

I've learned a lot just from the experience of living. I've made a lot of mistakes but did a lot of things well too.

So, on my death bed I can at least be happy and perhaps proud that I didn't mindlessly go through this thing called life.

A lot of things have happened that have limited what I might have been and might have accomplished. At times I think I've contributed nothing to the world and no one would miss me too much if I wasn't around. George Bailey felt that way too sometimes.

Nonetheless, I continue to press the PLAY button. I keep living. I keep telling myself I am valuable and people care about me. I think of all the things I've seen and all the things I've learned and all the lives I've touched.

It's hard sometimes – really hard – but I keep pressing the PLAY button. 

If I don't stay here and keep persevering who knows what I might miss. Some days I have more hope than others.  Some days life seems good and I'm grateful or all of the wonderful and fulfilling experiences I've had.

So, I Press PLAY.

The Farm Boy Handbook – Clothing Section

Farm Boy
Noun
1. a boy who has grown up on a farm

Farmer

Noun
1. a person who operates or manages a farm

Rural

Adjective
1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the country
2. of or relating to people who live in the country: rural households
3. of or relating to farming; agricultural

 

 



While perusing the pages of The Official Preppy Handbook one day and learning about preppy fashion and its association with students from elite prep schools in the Northeast I began to think about my own upbringing and some of the clothes that I wore.

While at school I too wore some clothes that might be classified as preppy. But, I grew up on a farm and farm work entailed wearing a different wardrobe. 

I got to thinking about the clothes I wore when doing chores and farm work. I also began to consider what someone would have to wear to pass himself off as a true farm boy. For example, what if an undercover agent wanted to pass himself off as real farm boy? I'm not sure why an undercover agent would be trying to pass himself off as a farm boy but that was part of my thought process. Or, perhaps a city boy wants to meet some real country gals so he decides he needs to pass himself off as a real farm boy.

At any rate, if I was writing a book called, for example, The Official Farm Boy Handbook, the section on clothing might look something like the following.

Basics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your only knowledge of farm clothing comes from Hollywood movies or watching Hee Haw and The Dukes of Hazzard reruns then I'm going to educate you in the field of farm apparel.

For the farm boy, clothing is about function over form. Farm boy clothes are sensible. Farm boy clothes are practical. Every item he wears serves a purpose. He wears clothes that help him do his work and protect him in his work environment. Comfort and convenience may come into play but style is rarely a concern.

Sometimes chore clothes don't start out as chore clothes. Sometimes the Levis a farm boy wears to school eventually become his chore jeans. Perhaps a t-shirt becomes faded but can still be used as a work shirt. Sometimes a farm boy buys an article of clothing specifically for farm work but not always. 

So, what sartorial staples should be in the farm boy's wardrobe? First off, sartorial means “of or relating to clothing or style or manner of dress.” But if you want to pass for a true farm boy don't use the word “sartorial.” Now, let's discuss the clothes a typical farm boy might wear.

Overalls (bib overalls, bibs)

 

 

I'll start with overalls because they're the clothing item most associated with farmers.

I dated a classy gal in college who thought she might enjoy spending a summer working on my family's farm. She reasoned that she had a pair of designer overalls and she could wear those on the farm and she'd be prepared for whatever task she might have to endure.

Of course the wearing of a pair of bib overalls doesn't qualify one for farming any more than wearing surgical scrubs and a mask qualifies one to perform brain surgery. I wanted to point out to her that wearing bib overalls was a stereotype and that she was being offensive. But, I didn't because she kind of had a point. 

My two grandfathers were both farmers and wore overalls as did my father most every day when doing his farm work. 

My father and my maternal grandfather both wore blue denim overalls. My paternal grandfather wore overalls in a type of cloth or design known as hickory stripe. And, yes it's permissible to wear a dress shirt and tie with your overalls on special occasions as did my Grandpa Lloyd.

Some brands of overalls are Key, Big Smith, and Dickies. 

Why do farm boys wear them? Because, they are comfortable yet rugged. And, they have plenty of pockets to hold tools and anything else a farmer might need such as his red bandana. We'll discuss red bandanas a bit later. 

Shirts

 

During warmer weather a simple cotton t-shirt will be comfortable to wear. It may or may not have a breast pocket depending on the farmer's preference.

Blue chambray work shirts look great with overalls or Levi jeans. They're a classic for the farm boy wardrobe. 

 

A long-sleeved denim work shirt can be worn as well. A farm boy can wear his denim shirt with his overalls or Levis. That's a lot of denim in one outfit but it works. By the way, if you want to pass as a true farm boy don't use the word “outfit” or “ensemble.”

Pendleton shirts come in a plaid design and are good looking dependable work shirts.

Flannel usually comes in a plaid design as well. For instance, one popular flannel design is buffalo check plaid. It's the kind of flannel shirt one would expect to see a lumberjack wear. Long-sleeved flannel shirts are a must for cooler weather. Flannel will keep one warm and comfortable. 

Crew neck sweatshirts can be a nice addition to the farm boy wardrobe as well during colder months.

Pants and Shorts

Previously, I mentioned the popularity of overalls. Nonetheless, overalls are not a required uniform of the farm boy. He has other options. For instance, he can wear jeans in lieu of overalls. Popular brands of jeans for the farm boy include Levi, Wrangler, and Lee.

Jeans as with overalls are rugged and make good chore pants. The farm boy doesn't want his legs scratched while carrying around hay bales. 

If you want to pass for a true farm boy do not wear two-hundred dollar designer jeans while doing chores.

Shorts are rarely worn by the farm boy. Even on hot days he's usually carrying things (e.g. hay and straw bales) or brushing up against wood or concrete surfaces. Or, he might find himself crawling through barbed wire fences and walking through the woods to fetch the cows at milking time. If one is simply driving a tractor for a long period of time (e.g. raking hay on a hot summer day) or putting a fresh coat of paint on the tool shed while standing in the hot sun then shorts might be permissible. 

You can milk cows while wearing shorts but I'd rather have my legs covered and protected. Plus, boots and shorts aren't really a great look unless you're in a punk rock or grunge band. But, if you are confident in your sartorial taste then go for it! 

Don't use the word sartorial!

Jackets and Outerwear

 

 

Get yourself an insulated chore coat. It might be an insulated denim jacket or it might be a heavy-duty coat made by Carhartt.

In warmer weather you might simply wear a zippered hooded sweatshirt or an unlined denim jacket.

Don't wear a Baracuta G9 Harrington jacket. Sure, they look cool but you're farming not posing for GQ. You're not James Dean or Steve McQueen after all. Although, James Dean did portray a ranch hand in the movie Giant. But, he didn't wear his Harrington jacket. I believe he wore what might be called a ranch coat. I think he also wore a denim work shirt, Lee Rider jeans, and cowboy boots. But, I digress.

A farm boy might wear coveralls. Coveralls are sometimes called boilersuits. Perhaps, he's worried about staining his new Wrangler jeans. Or, perhaps he dispenses with the jeans altogether and simply wears the coveralls. Insulated overalls and coveralls can add an extra layer of protection and warmth in colder weather. 

Rain gear might be a good idea. A farm boy has to do chores rain or shine. I never wore rain gear myself while growing up on the farm. If it rained I simply got soaked. But, I had plenty of blue jeans and t-shirts so I managed to get by without rain gear. A little rain doesn't bother a farm boy. It makes the corn grow taller! Still, a yellow slicker might have looked cool while keeping me dry.  

Underwear

I'm guessing there aren't a lot of farmers walking around with low-rise bikini briefs under their Wrangler jeans.

A pair of white cotton briefs are fine. If boxer shorts are your preference that works too.

Long underwear is ideal for cold Iowa winters. Long johns and union suits can give the farm boy an extra layer of warmth. Personally, I seldom wore long underwear because I'm a tough guy. Actually, I think a lot of layers just felt too bulky and uncomfortable so I sacrificed some warmth for comfort.

A flannel shirt over a long underwear shirt with your Levis and work boots is a nice look. Top it off with your insulated denim jacket and you'll be a darn fine looking farm boy.

Shoes

 

You need a good pair of work boots. You might drop a wrench on your foot or a cow might step on you. A popular brand of work boots is Red Wing. Interestingly, Timberland work boots became an icon of hip-hop style worn by many rappers.

Some farmers find cowboy boots to be comfortable and durable.

During the summer months an old pair of athletic shoes may become a farm boy's work shoes. Sneakers aren't the best choice for farm work but can be comfortable and provide some protection.

Do not wear sandals or flip flops. Don't go barefoot. If you're walking around barefoot on the farm and step on a nail you'll be sorry unless you enjoy pain and getting tetanus shots. 

You'll want a pair of waterproof rubber boots to put over your work boots to protect them. You never know when you might step in a water puddle, mud, or meadow muffin (cow pie).

During colder months you may choose to dispense with your work boots and rubber boots altogether and wear an insulated pair of rubber boots like Wellington boots.

Did you know that Lady Diana Spencer (future Princess Diana) used to wear Wellington boots (Wellies) on occasion?

 

Hats and Gloves

A farm boy needs a cap or hat to keep the sun out of his eyes while he's performing his

work in the hot summer sun. He might wear a baseball cap, straw hat, or cowboy hat.

During colder months he might wear a hat or cap with ear flaps or simply wear a knit stocking cap (i.e. watch cap, beanie).

A farm boy wants a general-purpose pair of chore gloves especially if he's baling hay. If you wear a pair of yellow chore gloves with red knit wrists (e.g. Wells Lamont Handy Andy Chore Gloves) you'll definitely look the part.

However, if your building fence and handling barbed wire you'll want a pair of leather work gloves.

Accessories

 

A farm boy only needs a few accessories:

• A pocket knife or Buck knife for cutting twine off hay and straw bales
• A pair of slip-joint pliers because one never knows when he'll need to tighten or loosen a bolt or screw or grip something or bend something; some can even be used to cut wire
• A leather plier holster to hold your pliers
• A wrist watch or pocket watch so you don't have to guess by the sun's position in the sky when it's time for lunch or to start evening chores; a Timex is fine but don't wear a Rolex or Cartier wrist watch that cost a few thousand dollars or you'll never pass as a true farm boy 
• If you're like my father you might carry a notebook and a pen to make lists of what you want to accomplish each day like going to the farmers cooperative, mending fence, cleaning the barn, etc.
• A red bandana is handy for wiping the sweat off of one's brow and may be used to wipe one's nose because a farm boy doesn't generally carry around a box of facial tissue while performing his duties. It's permissible to wear your bandana folded into a triangle and tied around your neck like a bandit if you need to keep chaff or dirt off of your neck or if you need to pull it up to cover your mouth and nose in a dusty situation. You're not allowed, however, to wrap your bandana around your head like a pirate. You're a farm boy not a pirate. You may be a buckaroo but you are not a buccaneer. 
• A pair of sunglasses might be in order since you may be in the hot sun a lot but they don't have to be Ray-Ban or Oakley

Off-Duty Clothing

If the farm boy is still in high school (no doubt a public school although perhaps a parochial school) then while at school he'll probably be wearing the same type of clothes as his peers. However, some farm boys do display their rural upbringing by wearing jeans, western shirts, and cowboy boots. He may also wear a western style braided belt with a large obnoxious belt buckle. Obnoxious was the word my high school girlfriend used when seeing such a belt on one of my classmates. She, of course, had not grown up on a farm and probably wasn't a rodeo fan.

A lot of farmers seem to have a fondness for western clothing. I have no evidence to back up this claim. It's just an observation. Some farmers do, of course, have horses on their farms so the wearing of cowboy boots seems natural and proper.

A farmer may certainly be found wearing a western style shirt or even a western suit to church on Sunday. I'm not saying you'd never see a farmer wear a thousand dollar Armani suit to church or on his Friday night dinner date but I kind of doubt it.

And, if the farm boy wears a bolo tie with his western suit? Sartorial splendor!

Perhaps he'll wear a nice western outfit to a barn dance, county fair, or the World Dairy Expo in Madison, Wisconsin.

I think a lot of farm boys enjoy country western music and western movies as well. 

Perhaps it's because farmers, ranchers, and cowboys all have a close connection to animals and the land. They all helped tame the wild west together.

In high school I dressed like most of my classmates. I did, however, occasionally wear a pair of turquoise cowboy boots with my blue jeans. And, I did wear a black and blue buffalo check flannel shirt sometimes.

So, basically anything goes when you're off-duty but most farm boys keep it pretty simple and it often still reflects their rural roots.

Clothing with Logos

 

 

I saved the best for last. Often a farm boy can be seen wearing clothing bearing the name of a company associated with agriculture. For instance, he might be wearing a cap with a Funk's G Hybrid logo on it. Perhaps a seed corn dealer gave him the cap for purchasing corn from his company. 

A farm boy might be seen wearing a quilted winter jacket bearing the logo of the cooperative to whom he sells his milk such as Wisconsin Dairies.

Maybe he has a knit stocking cap bearing the name Tri-State Breeders, Select Sires, or ABS. You see bull studs appreciate a farmer's patronage as well. I wore a Tri-State Breeders stocking cap to school sometimes when I was an elementary student. No one seemed to find it strange although one of my friends thought it was humorous that I had a hat with the word "breeders" on it.

One might also wear a cap bearing the logo of a farm implement company like John Deere. In the 1981 television film Bitter Harvest, Ron Howard portrays a dairy farmer and at times is seen wearing a John Deere cap.

I think it's these clothing items that can really set the true farm boy apart from an imposter. So, if you want to pass yourself off as a true farm boy then you might want to get your hands on some apparel connected to agriculture.

Final Thoughts

Now you  know what a real farm boy wears.  You know what to wear for chores in any kind of weather and what to wear when you go to the local honky-tonk. You can now pass yourself off as a real farm boy with ease.

 

 

 



 

 

 

Farewell Strange Rectangular Pizza - A Mock Commencement Speech

Although most seniors are more than ready to leave high school behind, there are actually a few things I will miss. 

For example, I'm going to miss that strange rectangular pizza they serve in the lunchroom. I'm not sure if the cafeteria staff buys it or makes it themselves but it's unlike any other pizza I've ever encountered anywhere else. I've been eating that pizza for the last twelve years and now I may never eat it again. And, I will miss other culinary delights from the cafeteria like jello jewels and shrimp shapes. They're not really shrimp you know – just fish pressed into the form of a shrimp. And, I'll even miss those hamburger patties with the fake grill marks. 

I'll miss morning announcements. “Good morning students, it's time for morning announcements! The FHA is selling carnations this week for Valentine's Day. Buy carnations for your friends! Buy a carnation for your sweetie! Please bear in mind that a red carnation symbolizes admiration and says 'My heart aches for you.' So, if that girl you like has told you numerous times she only wants to be friends you might want to consider a pink carnation! And, remember there will be an assembly Thursday afternoon featuring a hypnotist and a pep rally this Friday morning for the basketball team! Have a great day!”

I'll miss my locker. It's the tiny piece of real estate you get to call your own while in high school.

I'll miss football games where I spent more time watching the cheerleaders than I did watching the game.

I'll miss basketball games and the smell of popcorn coming from the concession stand.

I'll miss the bawdy locker room banter. “You did what with whom? A supermodel? Come on man, I don't believe it!” And “Hey, leave my mother out of this!”

I'll miss reading magazines and the funny pages and staring at the wall in study hall when I could have been, you know, studying.

I'll miss all of those high school dances even though I only had a date for a few of them. Even when I didn't have a date I went anyway. You can't get rid of me that easily! You will see me dance whether you like it or not. I guess I always thought something special was going to happen at those dances. 

Maybe that girl who doesn't know I exist will suddenly notice me.

She'll approach me with the words, “Hey, stud. Who are you and where have you been all my life?”

“Well, actually I sit right behind you in General Business.”

Or, perhaps I thought one of my female classmates would introduce me to her cousin Inga visiting from Sweden.

“Hey, Tharin, this is my cousin Inga from Sweden and she's totally into quiet short guys.”

By the way, let me give you guys some advice. Don't ever ask a guy if you can dance with his girlfriend. Even if she told you to save her a dance and she assured you he'd be totally cool with it – he won't be. He'll give you the look of death. So, just don't. Trust me.

I'll miss those teen dances, especially the ones held at Dreamland Ballroom. Isn't that a great name for a dance hall? 

I'll also miss those high school parties where we drank all those glasses of...root beer. And, lemonade! Because we're underage and can't legally consume alcohol. And, we never did – ever! In fact, at most parties I attended we had cake and punch. 

And, the conversation at those parties was always so stimulating.

“Hey dude! How's it going?”

“Not bad. How about you?”

“Not bad.”

“I like your new car.”

“It's a Chevy Monte Carlo.”

“Awesome!”

“Let's get another glass of punch!”

I'll miss bi-level haircuts. But, let's face it. This stunning hairstyle isn't going to last. Fads come and go including the haircut that says “Business in front, Party in the back.”

The problem, you see, is that I like comfort. I like routine. I like familiarity. I don't like change. 

Is the college cafeteria going to have strange rectangular pizza? I don't think so.

They'll probably serve regular triangle cut pizza slices. 

They might even serve manicotti? What the heck is manicotti?

But, in order to grow and achieve goals in life we have to be uncomfortable at times. We have to change sometimes and break our routine and deal with unfamiliar things. That can be scary. But, embracing discomfort is crucial to growth and achieving success. 

Sure it was scary wrestling varsity the first time as a freshman. But, I got used to the pressures of competition and I developed a confident swagger by the time I was a senior.

It was scary asking a girl on a date the first time. It still is! But, that's why I need to keep doing it and being uncomfortable or I may never find that special someone.

I've embraced change occasionally during these last four years. You may recall me wearing cowboy boots on occasion even though I don't live on a ranch. You were all patient with me as I experimented with different hairstyles like the rat tail and that permanent. Seriously though, why didn't someone stop me from perming my hair?

I even had my hair cut short and spiky because I wanted to look like Billy Idol or that Russian boxer from Rocky IV but I never did – at all!

Nonetheless, the discomfort taught me to be cautious when it comes to one's hair.

Sure, Independent Living was a tough class. It was challenging and uncomfortable. But, now I know how to cook and sew. Well, sort of. Did you know that you have to make something called a white sauce if you're going to make your own macaroni & cheese from scratch? Do you know the difference between a spool of thread and a bobbin? 

Learning new things can be uncomfortable but also exciting. 

Forbes magazine tells me, “Those who are willing to take risks, step out of their comfort zone and into the discomfort of uncertainty will be those who will reap the biggest rewards.”

So, when we leave this place called high school we all need to embrace discomfort. We need to get comfortable with the unfamiliar.

I'll still miss that strange rectangular pizza though.

Thank you.