During one of our first conversations, Jane said, “I think that with the time I have left I'd just like to live in a nice little cottage and read books every day.” I knew Jane had moved around a lot. Sometimes she'd left houses or apartments abruptly furnishings and all. I also knew she had a lot of health issues including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and anorexia nervosa. So, I wasn't sure if she was suggesting she'd be moving again soon or that she wasn't expecting to have a long life.
"Do you mean the time you have left in this area or the time you have left living on Earth?” I asked.
"The time I have left on Earth," she answered.
I found it interesting that she used the word cottage. She was living in a condominium at the time. But, she didn't say she wanted to live out her days in her condo. She didn't say she wanted to live out her time in a house. She used the word cottage. Why a cottage? I thought it was sweet but it kind of baffled me why she chose the word cottage. Maybe she'd lived in parts of the U.S. where cottage is a common term. I wish I would have asked her what she meant by cottage.
I
know a cottage is usually a small dwelling. When she said cottage I
imagined a small house made of stone sitting in a wooded area. I
thought one only heard of cottages in fairy tales.
There
was once a poor widow who lived in a lonely cottage. In front of the
cottage was a garden wherein stood two rose-trees, one of which bore
white and the other red roses. She had two children who were like the
two rose-trees, and one was called Snow-white, and the other
Rose-red.
I worked with a woman who was born in Jamaica but spent
most of her life in Chicago.
As I recall she said she could remember raising chickens in Jamaica as a little girl. When she first started working at my place of employment she didn't say much to any of us. But, she slowly opened up over time. She said when she first moved to Iowa it was eerily quiet compared to Chicago. She said she liked it though. It was peaceful. I'm a quiet person so when I heard that she was kind of standoffish I was intimidated by her. I never tried to converse with her. I would just smile and go about my business.
One day we were working side-by-side for a while and she surprised me when she spoke to me.
“I like that you're so quiet,” she said. No one had ever said that before.
“Really? I think most people find it frustrating because they say it's hard to get to know me,” I said.
As I recall she said she could remember raising chickens in Jamaica as a little girl. When she first started working at my place of employment she didn't say much to any of us. But, she slowly opened up over time. She said when she first moved to Iowa it was eerily quiet compared to Chicago. She said she liked it though. It was peaceful. I'm a quiet person so when I heard that she was kind of standoffish I was intimidated by her. I never tried to converse with her. I would just smile and go about my business.
One day we were working side-by-side for a while and she surprised me when she spoke to me.
“I like that you're so quiet,” she said. No one had ever said that before.
“Really? I think most people find it frustrating because they say it's hard to get to know me,” I said.
She laughed and said, “I've found that most people
will tell you their entire life story whether you want to hear it or
not.”
She went back to visit Chicago often but said she'd
never live there again. She worked two jobs and liked to read or
take walks in her free time. She found talking to her father
frustrating because he always wanted to know why she wasn't married
yet.
She seemed driven to succeed and yet I think she would
have been content to live in a quiet rural area and just be able to
relax. I can't remember if she expressed a desire to live a quiet
life away from the so-called rat race or if that's just the way I
remember it. I remember thinking that I could ask her if she'd like
to come live with me on my parents' farm. We could plant flowers and
a vegetable garden. We could take walks in the woods. We could even
raise some chickens like she had back in Jamaica. If she thought the
Iowa college town we lived in was quiet I think she would really be
shocked by the quietness of a farm.
I grew up on a farm with a lot of acres of land I could
walk on and a woods I could explore. We even had a spring (or creek
if you prefer) flowing through our land. Our farm had a fairly busy
county road next to it so it wasn't exactly secluded. But, the rest
of the world did seem appreciably far away most of the time.
When I went to college I felt claustrophobic. Being on
a campus with thousands of other students was too much at first. I
couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I didn't have a room to myself
anymore. I didn't have acres of quiet farmland I could go roaming on.
My roommate was nice and easy to live with but it was nice to have
the room to myself at times. Sometimes I'd return from class and
he'd be gone. I'd the lock the door after entering and lie down in
my bed and enjoy the silence and solitude.
Sometimes I would go to the library and try to find a
table or desk in a remote area of the building. Sometimes, I'd find
a deserted lounge and claim it for myself. I was up early one
Saturday morning watching some cartoons in the TV lounge in the
basement. Some other guy showed up and ruined it. He sat there
behind me watching TV as well. He didn't ask me to change the
channel but I couldn't take it anymore and left. Sometimes I would
walk down to the park by the river. It felt good to get away from
campus. I guess trying to live in a big city like New York would be
the end of me.
Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. Even superheroes
need a place to go to get away from it all occasionally.
Traditionally, the Fortress of Solitude is located in the Arctic.
I wonder if Superman is capable of feeling cold or hot.
At any rate, I'd rather have a bungalow in a tropical paradise as my
place of seclusion. Plus, it's fun to say bungalow.
Henry David Thoreau spent two years living in a cabin near Walden Pond in Massachusetts. He had a lot of time for introspection while living this simplified life in the woods. He later wrote about his experience in Walden, or Life in the Woods.
Thoreau was attempting to see what he might learn from a simple life of self-sufficiency. Even though he enjoyed the solitude experienced by escaping from society he didn't exile himself. He had many visitors to his home and continued to journey to Concord, Massachusetts several times a week. Nonetheless, living in nature was quite different than living in the city. Did he get lonely?
“I have never felt lonesome, or in the least oppressed
by a sense of solitude, but once, and that was a few weeks after I
came to the woods, when, for an hour, I doubted if the near
neighborhood of man was not essential to a serene and healthy life.
To be alone was something unpleasant. But I was at the same time
conscious of a slight insanity in my mood, and seemed to foresee my
recovery. In the midst of a gentle rain while these thoughts
prevailed, I was suddenly sensible of such sweet and beneficent
society in Nature, in the very pattering of the drops, and in every
sound and sight around my house, an infinite and unaccountable
friendliness all at once like an atmosphere sustaining me, as made
the fancied advantages of human neighborhood insignificant, and I
have never thought of them since.”
Mountain men were trappers and explorers who lived in
the wilderness during the 1800s. They were often alone for long
periods of time. The life of a mountain man was rugged and he faced
many hazards. These men didn't necessarily desire a separation from
society. But, the fur trade often paid well so they endured the
isolation to make a living. And, the mountain men had annual
gatherings known as rendezvous to do business and replenish their
supplies.
In addition to doing business, the festivities might
involve singing, dancing, games, and other activities. Even the
rugged mountain men needed to connect with society sometimes.
A hermit is usually a person living in solitude as a
religious discipline. Of course sometimes people are called hermits
simply because they prefer solitude. Sometimes a person is referred
to as a recluse.
In the film The Light Between Oceans, Tom is
hired as a lighthouse keeper on an island off the coast of Western
Australia. Being a traumatized veteran of World War I, he doesn't
mind being totally alone on the island. Eventually he does get
married but even then it's just the two of them on the same island
several miles from civilization.
I guess he was willing to have his solitude interrupted for the love of a good woman. In the film The Last Man on Earth, Dr. Morgan is the only person on Earth who hasn't been infected by a plague that has turned everyone else into vampire-like creatures. He suffers from depression from the loss of his family and loneliness from being the last surviving human being. He has his memories but they provide little comfort. He can drink alcohol but that only provides temporary relief. Having a daily routine is ultimately what helps him the most. This routine gives him the strength to survive and a sense of control over his own destiny.
Some experts claim that solitude can help us to do our
most creative work. A lot of revolutionary works of art and products
have come about as a result of one's daydreaming as opposed to
something being invented by a group.
On the other hand, loneliness has been linked with
various diseases and is believed to hasten death. Emotional
isolation is ranked as high a risk factor for mortality as smoking.
So, we all seem to need some emotional connection to be healthy and
happy.
During the 1800s some prisons operated as a separate and
silent system including Port Arthur in Tasmania, Australia.
Prisoners were hooded and made to stay silent. This was supposed to
allow time for the prisoner to reflect upon the actions which had
brought him there. Many of the prisoners in the Separate Prison
developed mental illness from the lack of light and sound. They were
strictly isolated one from another (and even from guards) and kept in
absolute silence, which drove many insane. The Separate Prison
extended the isolation of prisoners even into the chapel, where
dividers prevented them from seeing anyone but the minister.
I've deliberately isolated myself at times due to some mental health issues. Social isolation is common among people with mental illness and can significantly impact their well-being. I was once accused of living on the fringes of society by a psychiatrist. He said I was acting like his schizophrenic patients. Well, Doc, I've met and lived with a few schizophrenics and most were kinder and more interesting than you.
I've deliberately isolated myself at times due to some mental health issues. Social isolation is common among people with mental illness and can significantly impact their well-being. I was once accused of living on the fringes of society by a psychiatrist. He said I was acting like his schizophrenic patients. Well, Doc, I've met and lived with a few schizophrenics and most were kinder and more interesting than you.
When I'm feeling depressed and I perceive myself as a
worthless fuck-up, I want to keep to myself. I figure people are
better off without me in their lives. And yet, sometimes just
talking to a cashier at the grocery store makes me feel better.
Seeing family members makes me feel better. I'm an introvert who
enjoys solitude but I need an emotional connection with others as
well.
Jane lived in Japan for a period of time while she was
in the military. She was a paramedic. She told me that some spouses
of military personnel committed suicide because being overseas in
Japan was such an alienating experience for them that they felt
isolated and became lonely and depressed.
Sometimes we view solitude as heroic. Sailors sailing around the world. Astronauts in space. Cowboys out on the range.
Sometimes we view solitude as heroic. Sailors sailing around the world. Astronauts in space. Cowboys out on the range.
Sometimes isolation seems sinister. The Unabomber living in a remote cabin. A witch living in a hovel (or a cottage made of gingerbread and candy, ha ha) in the woods. When prisoners are put in solitary confinement in a TV show or movie we know it's the worst punishment.
From the moment we’re born, we’re negotiating a
pathway between merger and separation: wanting to be close, to be
part of the group, to be intimate and trusting, but at the same time
wanting to be independent, in need of no one, autonomous, solitary,
proud. 1
Hester Prynne of The Scarlet Letter knew about
isolation. Her house is on the edge of society.
What is significant about the positioning of the house that is to be Hester's home is that it lies on the fringes of acceptable society and is very close to the woods. There is a symbolic significance in the woods and the town in the novel, with the town representing the repressive order and laws of Puritanism and the woods representing the freedom from those laws. Therefore the fact that Hester's house where she lives and brings up Pearl straddles both of these worlds is very significant and explains the kind of freedom that she comes to enjoy. In a sense, her exile frees her to raise her child the way she wants and to be the kind of person that she wants to be away from the harsh rules of Puritan society to a certain extent. In this sense, exile is actually a good thing for Hester's character development. 2
I
don't know if I could handle being a lighthouse keeper on an island a
hundred miles from civilization although I could probably handle the
solitude better than most. I don't want to be a hermit living in the
woods although I don't seem to mind being a recluse most of the time.
Nonetheless, a connection to people is comforting at times.
I
hope that you, dear reader, have a healthy balance between solitude
and connection in your own lives.
Perhaps
one day I'll track down Jane and ask her to move into a cottage with
me.
“We'll
have one wall lined with bookshelves,” I'll say.
“That sounds splendid,” she'll say.
Or,
maybe I'll track down my Jamaican/Chicagoan friend and ask her if she
wants to live on a small farm with me. “We can have a garden and
chickens,” I'll say.
“Sounds
wonderful,” she'll say.
What would they say
If we up and ran away
From
the roaring crowds
And
the worn out city faces
Would
they carry on and on
When
they found out we were gone
Or
would they let us go
Would
they tag along
Or
would they know to
Leave
us alone
We'd
live in the country
Leave
us alone
We'd
make it just fine
Happy
in a one room shack
And
we'd not look back
Now
would we
What
would they do
If
they found out we were through
With
all the little lies
And
the downtown aggravations
That
we'd traded them away
For
a quiet country day
That
we had hoped to share
Would
they try to find out
Where
we were or
Leave
us alone
We'd
live in the country
Leave
us alone
We'd
make it just fine
Happy
in a one room shack
And
we'd not look back
Now
would we
What
would they say
If
we up and ran away
Ran
away 3
But if neither of those scenarios plays out then I'll just move to a tropical paradise and live in a bungalow.
But if neither of those scenarios plays out then I'll just move to a tropical paradise and live in a bungalow.
2
3
This song is by Paul Williams and appears on the album
Here Comes Inspiration (1974).
