Farewell Strange Rectangular Pizza - A Mock Commencement Speech

Although most seniors are more than ready to leave high school behind, there are actually a few things I will miss. 

For example, I'm going to miss that strange rectangular pizza they serve in the lunchroom. I'm not sure if the cafeteria staff buys it or makes it themselves but it's unlike any other pizza I've ever encountered anywhere else. I've been eating that pizza for the last twelve years and now I may never eat it again. And, I will miss other culinary delights from the cafeteria like jello jewels and shrimp shapes. They're not really shrimp you know – just fish pressed into the form of a shrimp. And, I'll even miss those hamburger patties with the fake grill marks. 

I'll miss morning announcements. “Good morning students, it's time for morning announcements! The FHA is selling carnations this week for Valentine's Day. Buy carnations for your friends! Buy a carnation for your sweetie! Please bear in mind that a red carnation symbolizes admiration and says 'My heart aches for you.' So, if that girl you like has told you numerous times she only wants to be friends you might want to consider a pink carnation! And, remember there will be an assembly Thursday afternoon featuring a hypnotist and a pep rally this Friday morning for the basketball team! Have a great day!”

I'll miss my locker. It's the tiny piece of real estate you get to call your own while in high school.

I'll miss football games where I spent more time watching the cheerleaders than I did watching the game.

I'll miss basketball games and the smell of popcorn coming from the concession stand.

I'll miss the bawdy locker room banter. “You did what with whom? A supermodel? Come on man, I don't believe it!” And “Hey, leave my mother out of this!”

I'll miss reading magazines and the funny pages and staring at the wall in study hall when I could have been, you know, studying.

I'll miss all of those high school dances even though I only had a date for a few of them. Even when I didn't have a date I went anyway. You can't get rid of me that easily! You will see me dance whether you like it or not. I guess I always thought something special was going to happen at those dances. 

Maybe that girl who doesn't know I exist will suddenly notice me.

She'll approach me with the words, “Hey, stud. Who are you and where have you been all my life?”

“Well, actually I sit right behind you in General Business.”

Or, perhaps I thought one of my female classmates would introduce me to her cousin Inga visiting from Sweden.

“Hey, Tharin, this is my cousin Inga from Sweden and she's totally into quiet short guys.”

By the way, let me give you guys some advice. Don't ever ask a guy if you can dance with his girlfriend. Even if she told you to save her a dance and she assured you he'd be totally cool with it – he won't be. He'll give you the look of death. So, just don't. Trust me.

I'll miss those teen dances, especially the ones held at Dreamland Ballroom. Isn't that a great name for a dance hall? 

I'll also miss those high school parties where we drank all those glasses of...root beer. And, lemonade! Because we're underage and can't legally consume alcohol. And, we never did – ever! In fact, at most parties I attended we had cake and punch. 

And, the conversation at those parties was always so stimulating.

“Hey dude! How's it going?”

“Not bad. How about you?”

“Not bad.”

“I like your new car.”

“It's a Chevy Monte Carlo.”

“Awesome!”

“Let's get another glass of punch!”

I'll miss bi-level haircuts. But, let's face it. This stunning hairstyle isn't going to last. Fads come and go including the haircut that says “Business in front, Party in the back.”

The problem, you see, is that I like comfort. I like routine. I like familiarity. I don't like change. 

Is the college cafeteria going to have strange rectangular pizza? I don't think so.

They'll probably serve regular triangle cut pizza slices. 

They might even serve manicotti? What the heck is manicotti?

But, in order to grow and achieve goals in life we have to be uncomfortable at times. We have to change sometimes and break our routine and deal with unfamiliar things. That can be scary. But, embracing discomfort is crucial to growth and achieving success. 

Sure it was scary wrestling varsity the first time as a freshman. But, I got used to the pressures of competition and I developed a confident swagger by the time I was a senior.

It was scary asking a girl on a date the first time. It still is! But, that's why I need to keep doing it and being uncomfortable or I may never find that special someone.

I've embraced change occasionally during these last four years. You may recall me wearing cowboy boots on occasion even though I don't live on a ranch. You were all patient with me as I experimented with different hairstyles like the rat tail and that permanent. Seriously though, why didn't someone stop me from perming my hair?

I even had my hair cut short and spiky because I wanted to look like Billy Idol or that Russian boxer from Rocky IV but I never did – at all!

Nonetheless, the discomfort taught me to be cautious when it comes to one's hair.

Sure, Independent Living was a tough class. It was challenging and uncomfortable. But, now I know how to cook and sew. Well, sort of. Did you know that you have to make something called a white sauce if you're going to make your own macaroni & cheese from scratch? Do you know the difference between a spool of thread and a bobbin? 

Learning new things can be uncomfortable but also exciting. 

Forbes magazine tells me, “Those who are willing to take risks, step out of their comfort zone and into the discomfort of uncertainty will be those who will reap the biggest rewards.”

So, when we leave this place called high school we all need to embrace discomfort. We need to get comfortable with the unfamiliar.

I'll still miss that strange rectangular pizza though.

Thank you.