The Farm Boy Handbook – Clothing Section

Farm Boy
Noun
1. a boy who has grown up on a farm

Farmer

Noun
1. a person who operates or manages a farm

Rural

Adjective
1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the country
2. of or relating to people who live in the country: rural households
3. of or relating to farming; agricultural

 

 



While perusing the pages of The Official Preppy Handbook one day and learning about preppy fashion and its association with students from elite prep schools in the Northeast I began to think about my own upbringing and some of the clothes that I wore.

While at school I too wore some clothes that might be classified as preppy. But, I grew up on a farm and farm work entailed wearing a different wardrobe. 

I got to thinking about the clothes I wore when doing chores and farm work. I also began to consider what someone would have to wear to pass himself off as a true farm boy. For example, what if an undercover agent wanted to pass himself off as real farm boy? I'm not sure why an undercover agent would be trying to pass himself off as a farm boy but that was part of my thought process. Or, perhaps a city boy wants to meet some real country gals so he decides he needs to pass himself off as a real farm boy.

At any rate, if I was writing a book called, for example, The Official Farm Boy Handbook, the section on clothing might look something like the following.

Basics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your only knowledge of farm clothing comes from Hollywood movies or watching Hee Haw and The Dukes of Hazzard reruns then I'm going to educate you in the field of farm apparel.

For the farm boy, clothing is about function over form. Farm boy clothes are sensible. Farm boy clothes are practical. Every item he wears serves a purpose. He wears clothes that help him do his work and protect him in his work environment. Comfort and convenience may come into play but style is rarely a concern.

Sometimes chore clothes don't start out as chore clothes. Sometimes the Levis a farm boy wears to school eventually become his chore jeans. Perhaps a t-shirt becomes faded but can still be used as a work shirt. Sometimes a farm boy buys an article of clothing specifically for farm work but not always. 

So, what sartorial staples should be in the farm boy's wardrobe? First off, sartorial means “of or relating to clothing or style or manner of dress.” But if you want to pass for a true farm boy don't use the word “sartorial.” Now, let's discuss the clothes a typical farm boy might wear.

Overalls (bib overalls, bibs)

 

 

I'll start with overalls because they're the clothing item most associated with farmers.

I dated a classy gal in college who thought she might enjoy spending a summer working on my family's farm. She reasoned that she had a pair of designer overalls and she could wear those on the farm and she'd be prepared for whatever task she might have to endure.

Of course the wearing of a pair of bib overalls doesn't qualify one for farming any more than wearing surgical scrubs and a mask qualifies one to perform brain surgery. I wanted to point out to her that wearing bib overalls was a stereotype and that she was being offensive. But, I didn't because she kind of had a point. 

My two grandfathers were both farmers and wore overalls as did my father most every day when doing his farm work. 

My father and my maternal grandfather both wore blue denim overalls. My paternal grandfather wore overalls in a type of cloth or design known as hickory stripe. And, yes it's permissible to wear a dress shirt and tie with your overalls on special occasions as did my Grandpa Lloyd.

Some brands of overalls are Key, Big Smith, and Dickies. 

Why do farm boys wear them? Because, they are comfortable yet rugged. And, they have plenty of pockets to hold tools and anything else a farmer might need such as his red bandana. We'll discuss red bandanas a bit later. 

Shirts

 

During warmer weather a simple cotton t-shirt will be comfortable to wear. It may or may not have a breast pocket depending on the farmer's preference.

Blue chambray work shirts look great with overalls or Levi jeans. They're a classic for the farm boy wardrobe. 

 

A long-sleeved denim work shirt can be worn as well. A farm boy can wear his denim shirt with his overalls or Levis. That's a lot of denim in one outfit but it works. By the way, if you want to pass as a true farm boy don't use the word “outfit” or “ensemble.”

Pendleton shirts come in a plaid design and are good looking dependable work shirts.

Flannel usually comes in a plaid design as well. For instance, one popular flannel design is buffalo check plaid. It's the kind of flannel shirt one would expect to see a lumberjack wear. Long-sleeved flannel shirts are a must for cooler weather. Flannel will keep one warm and comfortable. 

Crew neck sweatshirts can be a nice addition to the farm boy wardrobe as well during colder months.

Pants and Shorts

Previously, I mentioned the popularity of overalls. Nonetheless, overalls are not a required uniform of the farm boy. He has other options. For instance, he can wear jeans in lieu of overalls. Popular brands of jeans for the farm boy include Levi, Wrangler, and Lee.

Jeans as with overalls are rugged and make good chore pants. The farm boy doesn't want his legs scratched while carrying around hay bales. 

If you want to pass for a true farm boy do not wear two-hundred dollar designer jeans while doing chores.

Shorts are rarely worn by the farm boy. Even on hot days he's usually carrying things (e.g. hay and straw bales) or brushing up against wood or concrete surfaces. Or, he might find himself crawling through barbed wire fences and walking through the woods to fetch the cows at milking time. If one is simply driving a tractor for a long period of time (e.g. raking hay on a hot summer day) or putting a fresh coat of paint on the tool shed while standing in the hot sun then shorts might be permissible. 

You can milk cows while wearing shorts but I'd rather have my legs covered and protected. Plus, boots and shorts aren't really a great look unless you're in a punk rock or grunge band. But, if you are confident in your sartorial taste then go for it! 

Don't use the word sartorial!

Jackets and Outerwear

 

 

Get yourself an insulated chore coat. It might be an insulated denim jacket or it might be a heavy-duty coat made by Carhartt.

In warmer weather you might simply wear a zippered hooded sweatshirt or an unlined denim jacket.

Don't wear a Baracuta G9 Harrington jacket. Sure, they look cool but you're farming not posing for GQ. You're not James Dean or Steve McQueen after all. Although, James Dean did portray a ranch hand in the movie Giant. But, he didn't wear his Harrington jacket. I believe he wore what might be called a ranch coat. I think he also wore a denim work shirt, Lee Rider jeans, and cowboy boots. But, I digress.

A farm boy might wear coveralls. Coveralls are sometimes called boilersuits. Perhaps, he's worried about staining his new Wrangler jeans. Or, perhaps he dispenses with the jeans altogether and simply wears the coveralls. Insulated overalls and coveralls can add an extra layer of protection and warmth in colder weather. 

Rain gear might be a good idea. A farm boy has to do chores rain or shine. I never wore rain gear myself while growing up on the farm. If it rained I simply got soaked. But, I had plenty of blue jeans and t-shirts so I managed to get by without rain gear. A little rain doesn't bother a farm boy. It makes the corn grow taller! Still, a yellow slicker might have looked cool while keeping me dry.  

Underwear

I'm guessing there aren't a lot of farmers walking around with low-rise bikini briefs under their Wrangler jeans.

A pair of white cotton briefs are fine. If boxer shorts are your preference that works too.

Long underwear is ideal for cold Iowa winters. Long johns and union suits can give the farm boy an extra layer of warmth. Personally, I seldom wore long underwear because I'm a tough guy. Actually, I think a lot of layers just felt too bulky and uncomfortable so I sacrificed some warmth for comfort.

A flannel shirt over a long underwear shirt with your Levis and work boots is a nice look. Top it off with your insulated denim jacket and you'll be a darn fine looking farm boy.

Shoes

 

You need a good pair of work boots. You might drop a wrench on your foot or a cow might step on you. A popular brand of work boots is Red Wing. Interestingly, Timberland work boots became an icon of hip-hop style worn by many rappers.

Some farmers find cowboy boots to be comfortable and durable.

During the summer months an old pair of athletic shoes may become a farm boy's work shoes. Sneakers aren't the best choice for farm work but can be comfortable and provide some protection.

Do not wear sandals or flip flops. Don't go barefoot. If you're walking around barefoot on the farm and step on a nail you'll be sorry unless you enjoy pain and getting tetanus shots. 

You'll want a pair of waterproof rubber boots to put over your work boots to protect them. You never know when you might step in a water puddle, mud, or meadow muffin (cow pie).

During colder months you may choose to dispense with your work boots and rubber boots altogether and wear an insulated pair of rubber boots like Wellington boots.

Did you know that Lady Diana Spencer (future Princess Diana) used to wear Wellington boots (Wellies) on occasion?

 

Hats and Gloves

A farm boy needs a cap or hat to keep the sun out of his eyes while he's performing his

work in the hot summer sun. He might wear a baseball cap, straw hat, or cowboy hat.

During colder months he might wear a hat or cap with ear flaps or simply wear a knit stocking cap (i.e. watch cap, beanie).

A farm boy wants a general-purpose pair of chore gloves especially if he's baling hay. If you wear a pair of yellow chore gloves with red knit wrists (e.g. Wells Lamont Handy Andy Chore Gloves) you'll definitely look the part.

However, if your building fence and handling barbed wire you'll want a pair of leather work gloves.

Accessories

 

A farm boy only needs a few accessories:

• A pocket knife or Buck knife for cutting twine off hay and straw bales
• A pair of slip-joint pliers because one never knows when he'll need to tighten or loosen a bolt or screw or grip something or bend something; some can even be used to cut wire
• A leather plier holster to hold your pliers
• A wrist watch or pocket watch so you don't have to guess by the sun's position in the sky when it's time for lunch or to start evening chores; a Timex is fine but don't wear a Rolex or Cartier wrist watch that cost a few thousand dollars or you'll never pass as a true farm boy 
• If you're like my father you might carry a notebook and a pen to make lists of what you want to accomplish each day like going to the farmers cooperative, mending fence, cleaning the barn, etc.
• A red bandana is handy for wiping the sweat off of one's brow and may be used to wipe one's nose because a farm boy doesn't generally carry around a box of facial tissue while performing his duties. It's permissible to wear your bandana folded into a triangle and tied around your neck like a bandit if you need to keep chaff or dirt off of your neck or if you need to pull it up to cover your mouth and nose in a dusty situation. You're not allowed, however, to wrap your bandana around your head like a pirate. You're a farm boy not a pirate. You may be a buckaroo but you are not a buccaneer. 
• A pair of sunglasses might be in order since you may be in the hot sun a lot but they don't have to be Ray-Ban or Oakley

Off-Duty Clothing

If the farm boy is still in high school (no doubt a public school although perhaps a parochial school) then while at school he'll probably be wearing the same type of clothes as his peers. However, some farm boys do display their rural upbringing by wearing jeans, western shirts, and cowboy boots. He may also wear a western style braided belt with a large obnoxious belt buckle. Obnoxious was the word my high school girlfriend used when seeing such a belt on one of my classmates. She, of course, had not grown up on a farm and probably wasn't a rodeo fan.

A lot of farmers seem to have a fondness for western clothing. I have no evidence to back up this claim. It's just an observation. Some farmers do, of course, have horses on their farms so the wearing of cowboy boots seems natural and proper.

A farmer may certainly be found wearing a western style shirt or even a western suit to church on Sunday. I'm not saying you'd never see a farmer wear a thousand dollar Armani suit to church or on his Friday night dinner date but I kind of doubt it.

And, if the farm boy wears a bolo tie with his western suit? Sartorial splendor!

Perhaps he'll wear a nice western outfit to a barn dance, county fair, or the World Dairy Expo in Madison, Wisconsin.

I think a lot of farm boys enjoy country western music and western movies as well. 

Perhaps it's because farmers, ranchers, and cowboys all have a close connection to animals and the land. They all helped tame the wild west together.

In high school I dressed like most of my classmates. I did, however, occasionally wear a pair of turquoise cowboy boots with my blue jeans. And, I did wear a black and blue buffalo check flannel shirt sometimes.

So, basically anything goes when you're off-duty but most farm boys keep it pretty simple and it often still reflects their rural roots.

Clothing with Logos

 

 

I saved the best for last. Often a farm boy can be seen wearing clothing bearing the name of a company associated with agriculture. For instance, he might be wearing a cap with a Funk's G Hybrid logo on it. Perhaps a seed corn dealer gave him the cap for purchasing corn from his company. 

A farm boy might be seen wearing a quilted winter jacket bearing the logo of the cooperative to whom he sells his milk such as Wisconsin Dairies.

Maybe he has a knit stocking cap bearing the name Tri-State Breeders, Select Sires, or ABS. You see bull studs appreciate a farmer's patronage as well. I wore a Tri-State Breeders stocking cap to school sometimes when I was an elementary student. No one seemed to find it strange although one of my friends thought it was humorous that I had a hat with the word "breeders" on it.

One might also wear a cap bearing the logo of a farm implement company like John Deere. In the 1981 television film Bitter Harvest, Ron Howard portrays a dairy farmer and at times is seen wearing a John Deere cap.

I think it's these clothing items that can really set the true farm boy apart from an imposter. So, if you want to pass yourself off as a true farm boy then you might want to get your hands on some apparel connected to agriculture.

Final Thoughts

Now you  know what a real farm boy wears.  You know what to wear for chores in any kind of weather and what to wear when you go to the local honky-tonk. You can now pass yourself off as a real farm boy with ease.

 

 

 



 

 

 

Farewell Strange Rectangular Pizza - A Mock Commencement Speech

Although most seniors are more than ready to leave high school behind, there are actually a few things I will miss. 

For example, I'm going to miss that strange rectangular pizza they serve in the lunchroom. I'm not sure if the cafeteria staff buys it or makes it themselves but it's unlike any other pizza I've ever encountered anywhere else. I've been eating that pizza for the last twelve years and now I may never eat it again. And, I will miss other culinary delights from the cafeteria like jello jewels and shrimp shapes. They're not really shrimp you know – just fish pressed into the form of a shrimp. And, I'll even miss those hamburger patties with the fake grill marks. 

I'll miss morning announcements. “Good morning students, it's time for morning announcements! The FHA is selling carnations this week for Valentine's Day. Buy carnations for your friends! Buy a carnation for your sweetie! Please bear in mind that a red carnation symbolizes admiration and says 'My heart aches for you.' So, if that girl you like has told you numerous times she only wants to be friends you might want to consider a pink carnation! And, remember there will be an assembly Thursday afternoon featuring a hypnotist and a pep rally this Friday morning for the basketball team! Have a great day!”

I'll miss my locker. It's the tiny piece of real estate you get to call your own while in high school.

I'll miss football games where I spent more time watching the cheerleaders than I did watching the game.

I'll miss basketball games and the smell of popcorn coming from the concession stand.

I'll miss the bawdy locker room banter. “You did what with whom? A supermodel? Come on man, I don't believe it!” And “Hey, leave my mother out of this!”

I'll miss reading magazines and the funny pages and staring at the wall in study hall when I could have been, you know, studying.

I'll miss all of those high school dances even though I only had a date for a few of them. Even when I didn't have a date I went anyway. You can't get rid of me that easily! You will see me dance whether you like it or not. I guess I always thought something special was going to happen at those dances. 

Maybe that girl who doesn't know I exist will suddenly notice me.

She'll approach me with the words, “Hey, stud. Who are you and where have you been all my life?”

“Well, actually I sit right behind you in General Business.”

Or, perhaps I thought one of my female classmates would introduce me to her cousin Inga visiting from Sweden.

“Hey, Tharin, this is my cousin Inga from Sweden and she's totally into quiet short guys.”

By the way, let me give you guys some advice. Don't ever ask a guy if you can dance with his girlfriend. Even if she told you to save her a dance and she assured you he'd be totally cool with it – he won't be. He'll give you the look of death. So, just don't. Trust me.

I'll miss those teen dances, especially the ones held at Dreamland Ballroom. Isn't that a great name for a dance hall? 

I'll also miss those high school parties where we drank all those glasses of...root beer. And, lemonade! Because we're underage and can't legally consume alcohol. And, we never did – ever! In fact, at most parties I attended we had cake and punch. 

And, the conversation at those parties was always so stimulating.

“Hey dude! How's it going?”

“Not bad. How about you?”

“Not bad.”

“I like your new car.”

“It's a Chevy Monte Carlo.”

“Awesome!”

“Let's get another glass of punch!”

I'll miss bi-level haircuts. But, let's face it. This stunning hairstyle isn't going to last. Fads come and go including the haircut that says “Business in front, Party in the back.”

The problem, you see, is that I like comfort. I like routine. I like familiarity. I don't like change. 

Is the college cafeteria going to have strange rectangular pizza? I don't think so.

They'll probably serve regular triangle cut pizza slices. 

They might even serve manicotti? What the heck is manicotti?

But, in order to grow and achieve goals in life we have to be uncomfortable at times. We have to change sometimes and break our routine and deal with unfamiliar things. That can be scary. But, embracing discomfort is crucial to growth and achieving success. 

Sure it was scary wrestling varsity the first time as a freshman. But, I got used to the pressures of competition and I developed a confident swagger by the time I was a senior.

It was scary asking a girl on a date the first time. It still is! But, that's why I need to keep doing it and being uncomfortable or I may never find that special someone.

I've embraced change occasionally during these last four years. You may recall me wearing cowboy boots on occasion even though I don't live on a ranch. You were all patient with me as I experimented with different hairstyles like the rat tail and that permanent. Seriously though, why didn't someone stop me from perming my hair?

I even had my hair cut short and spiky because I wanted to look like Billy Idol or that Russian boxer from Rocky IV but I never did – at all!

Nonetheless, the discomfort taught me to be cautious when it comes to one's hair.

Sure, Independent Living was a tough class. It was challenging and uncomfortable. But, now I know how to cook and sew. Well, sort of. Did you know that you have to make something called a white sauce if you're going to make your own macaroni & cheese from scratch? Do you know the difference between a spool of thread and a bobbin? 

Learning new things can be uncomfortable but also exciting. 

Forbes magazine tells me, “Those who are willing to take risks, step out of their comfort zone and into the discomfort of uncertainty will be those who will reap the biggest rewards.”

So, when we leave this place called high school we all need to embrace discomfort. We need to get comfortable with the unfamiliar.

I'll still miss that strange rectangular pizza though.

Thank you.